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NoleMini
11-04-2002, 03:58 PM

Ed Cute!!
11-04-2002, 04:31 PM
I will see if I can dig up a good clean one for you...see you at Hank Aaron's.

My wife got a joke from a former neighbor in LA a few years ago.. started routing jokes from one friend to another and after about 4 yrs we literally get 10 to 30 jokes everyday. From friends all over the USA...now in to sort of a joke club. My wife's favorite's are the blond jokes and mine are the Southern (especially Alabama one's).

My favorite one lately was about "George and the Queen."

Ed

Ed
11-04-2002, 04:36 PM
NOT REAL FUNNY BUT CUTE:

A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little
lisp:

"Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle rabbits?"

The shopkeeper gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and
asks: "Do you want a wittle white wabby or a soft and fuwwyblack wabby or maybe onelike that cute wittle brown wabby over there?"


She in turn puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a
quiet sweet voice: "I don't think my python weally givth a thit."

dacrema
11-04-2002, 04:46 PM

Ed Cute!!
11-04-2002, 04:48 PM
WHO'S HARD OF HEARING?

An old man decided his old wife was getting hard of hearing.
So he called her doctor to make an appointment to have her hearing
checked. The Doctor said he could see her in two weeks, and meanwhile
there's a simple, informal test the husband could do to give the doctor some idea of the dimensions of the problem. "Here's what you do. Start about 40 feet away from her, and speak in a normal conversational tone and see if
she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response."

So that evening she's in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he's in the
living room, and he says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens." "Honey, what's for supper?" No response. So he moves to the other end of the room, about 30 feet away. "Honey, what's for supper?" No response. So he moves into the dining room, about 20 feet away.

"Honey, what's for supper?" No response. On to the kitchen door,
only 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for supper?". No response.

So he walks right up behind her. "Honey, what's for supper?"

"For the FIFTH time, CHICKEN!!!!"

jmas
11-04-2002, 05:08 PM
<br>MCS/WT/PP/Space Cloth/Rogue Stripes/Black Mesh Grilles/Rear MINI Badge
<img src="http://members.roadfly.org/jmas/Signature1.jpg">

ED
11-04-2002, 05:34 PM
> > > > > The Cell Phone and the Blonde:
> > > > > >
> > > > > > A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife something
> > > > > > nice for their first wedding anniversary, so he decides to buy
her
> > > > > > a cell phone. She is all excited, she loves her phone. He shows
> > > > > > her and explains to her all the features on the phone.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > The next day the blonde goes shopping. Her phone rings and it's
> > > > > > her husband. "Hi hun," he says. "How do you like your new
phone?"
> > > > > >
> > > > > > She replies, "I just love it. It's so small and your voice is
> clear
> > as
> > > >a
> > > > > > bell, but there's one thing I don't understand."
> > > > > >
> > > > > > "What's that, baby?" asks the husband.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > "How did you know I was at Wal-Mart?"
> > > > > > __________
> > > > > >
> > > > > > The Blonde and the License:
> > > > > >
> > > > > > A police officer stops a blond for speeding and asks her very
> nicely
> > > > > > if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you
> guys
> > > >would
> > > > > > get
> > > > > > your stupid act together. Just yesterday you take away my
license,
> > and
> > > > >then
> > > > > > today you expect me to show it to you!"
> > > > > > __________
> > > > > >
> > > > > > The Blonde in the Vacuum:
> > > > > >
> > > > > > A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn.
> She
> > > > > > rolled the dice and she landed on "Science & Nature." Her
> question
> > > >was,
> > > > > > "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you
hear
> > it?"
> > > > >She
> > > > > > thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
> > > > > > ___________
> > > > > > The Blonde and The Iron:
> > > > > >
> > > > > > A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The doctor asked
her what had happened to her ears and she answered, "I was
> > > > > > ironing a shirt and the phone rang, but instead of picking up
the
> > > > > > phone, I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my
ear."
> > > > > >
> > > > > > "Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But... what
> happened
> > > > > > to your other ear?"
> > > > > >
> > > > > > "The jerk called back."

mkacmarcik
11-04-2002, 05:34 PM
<br><img src="http://mail.roadfly.org/mkacmarcik/969.jpg">
MCS Chili Red/white with all the goodies plus roof rack

ED
11-04-2002, 05:41 PM
Dedicated to Donna & MiniClo

The Cell Phone and the Blonde:
A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife something
nice for their first wedding anniversary, so he decides to buy
her a cell phone. She is all excited, she loves her phone. He shows
her and explains to her all the features on the phone.
The next day the blonde goes shopping. Her phone rings and it's
her husband. "Hi hun," he says. "How do you like your new
phone?"

She replies, "I just love it. It's so small and your voice is clear
as a bell, but there's one thing I don't understand."

"What's that, baby?" asks the husband.
"How did you know I was at Wal-Mart?"
__________

The Blonde and the License:
A police officer stops a blond for speeding and asks her very
nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you
guys would get your stupid act together. Just yesterday you take away my license, and then today you expect me to show it to you!"
__________
The Blonde in the Vacuum:
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn.
rolled the dice and she landed on "Science & Nature." Her
question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"

She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
___________
The Blonde and The Iron:
A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The doctor asked
her what had happened to her ears and she answered, "I was
ironing a shirt and the damn phone rang, but instead of picking up
the phone, I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my
ear."
"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But... what
happened to your other ear?"

"The same fool called back again."

ED
11-04-2002, 05:43 PM
double post but it's funnier the second time.
My wife has you beat she's 5 feet 0 inch after breakfast.
Ed

Ed
11-04-2002, 05:48 PM
Subject: Blonde Joke

Bambi, a lovely blond in her fourth year as a freshman at UCLA, sat in her U.S. Government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what "Roe vs.Wade" was about.

Bambi thought a moment, then answered, "That was the decision George Washington had to make when he decided to cross the Delaware."

yeaks!

Ed
11-04-2002, 05:58 PM
If you have read them before, read them again! (some just had to have come from Alabama)

One liners:

There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and [Oops!]'s (love that one).

The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content. (z'a you Beer Brewer)

I live in my own little world, but it's ok, everyone knows me here. (Donna)

I saw a really large woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, "Thyroid problem?"

I don't do drugs anymore 'cause I find I get the same effect just by standing up really fast. (funny)

Sign In Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea..."

Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

I got a sweater for Christmas ... I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the "terminal"?

I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.

The most precious thing we have is life, yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.

If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys.

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at bowling alleys. (definately Alabama)

I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, and therefore I am perfect.

That Claudia Schiffer must be a genius... because I told a friend my plan to attain world peace, and he told me I have "Schiffer Brains."

No one ever says, "It's only a game!" when their team is winning.

Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes, and lottery tickets are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?

How long a minute is, depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.

Marriage changes passion... suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?

Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been."

ED
11-04-2002, 06:05 PM
A young punk gets on the cross town bus and sits down in the only vacant seat, directly beside an old man.

The young punk has spiked, multi-colored, green, purple, and orange
hair. His clothing is a tattered mix of leather rags. His legs are bare and he's without shoes. His entire face and body are riddled with pierced jewelry, tatooes and his earrings are big, bright red, yellow and green feathers.

The old man glares at the young punk for the next ten miles, as the
bus travels across the city.

Finally, the punk looks across at the old man, and yells, "What are you looking at, old man! Didn't you do anything wild when you were young?"

Without missing a beat, the old man replies, "Yeah. Back when I was very young and in the Navy, I got really drunk in Singapore and had sex with a parrot... I was afraid you might be my son."

NoleMini
11-04-2002, 06:12 PM

jmas
11-04-2002, 06:12 PM
<br>MCS/WT/PP/Space Cloth/Rogue Stripes/Black Mesh Grilles/Rear MINI Badge
<img src="http://members.roadfly.org/jmas/Signature1.jpg">

ED
11-04-2002, 06:17 PM
1. Jesse Jackson, Jim Baker, and Jimmy Swaggert have written an
impressive new book ... It's called: "Ministers Do More Than Lay
People."

2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary!

3. The difference between the Pope and your boss. The Pope only
expects you to kiss his ring.

4. My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is
gone.

5. The only time the world beats a path to your door is if
you're in the bathroom.

6. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once, the seat folded up,
the drink spilled and that ice, well it really chilled her mood.

7. It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of
course, there's shipping and handling, too.

8. A husband is someone who after taking the trash out, gives
the impression he just cleaned the whole house.

9. My next house will have no kitchen---just vending machines
and a large trash can.

10. A blonde said, "I was worried that my mechanic might try to
rip me off, I was relieved when he told me all I needed
was turn-signal fluid."

11. I'm so depressed... My doctor refused to write me a prescription
for Viagra. He said it would be like putting a new flagpole on a
condemned building.

12. My neighbor was bit by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how he
was and found him writing frantically. I told him rabies could be
cured and he didn't have to worry about a Will. He said,
Will!? What Will? I'm making a list of the people I wanna bite."

And finally - the best!
13. A doctor is writing up a prescription for a patient and discovers his pen from his shirt pocket is a rectal themometer. Looks over at his nurse and says, "Did it again. Some A$$hole, has my Cross Pen again.


Enjoy,
bye

MINIclo
11-04-2002, 06:29 PM
<br>Cheers!
Clover

'02 MC: all-Pure Silver with Chrome/Spoiler/Panther Black Profile Leather/OBC/MFSW/15" Holeys.

MINIclo
11-04-2002, 06:34 PM
<br>Cheers!
Clover

'02 MC: all-Pure Silver with Chrome/Spoiler/Panther Black Profile Leather/OBC/MFSW/15" Holeys.

mkacmarcik
11-04-2002, 06:37 PM
<br><img src="http://mail.roadfly.org/mkacmarcik/969.jpg">
MCS Chili Red/white with all the goodies plus roof rack

mkacmarcik
11-04-2002, 06:39 PM
people in this world that really are that dumb! LOL.........<br><img src="http://mail.roadfly.org/mkacmarcik/969.jpg">
MCS Chili Red/white with all the goodies plus roof rack

ED
11-04-2002, 06:51 PM
SHE WAS SO BLONDE THAT SHE ...

1. Took her new scarf back to the store because it was too tight.
2. Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with
a slope.
3. Can't work in a pharmacy because the bottles won't fit into the
typewriter.
4. Got excited because she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and
the box said "from 2 to 4 years".

5. Was trapped on an escalator for hours when the power went out.

ED
11-04-2002, 06:52 PM

ED
11-04-2002, 06:54 PM
Was that horendous auto accident close to you yesterday? Wouldn't want to test a MINI's airbags in that one.

ED
11-04-2002, 06:58 PM
my favorite of the litter was the Parrott Joke.

MINIclo
11-04-2002, 07:40 PM
<br>Cheers!
Clover

'02 MC: all-Pure Silver with Chrome/Spoiler/Panther Black Profile Leather/OBC/MFSW/15" Holeys.

MINIclo
11-04-2002, 07:43 PM
No, it was about 30 miles south of us...thanks for asking. We went to a burial at sea, though, in the fog...thank goodness for radar!!!! Very eerie to disperse our uncle\'s ashes in the fog...but it added an appropriate atmospheric touch. RIP, RJ...



<br>Cheers!
Clover

'02 MC: all-Pure Silver with Chrome/Spoiler/Panther Black Profile Leather/OBC/MFSW/15" Holeys.

Ed
11-04-2002, 08:06 PM
Did the same thing with my father-in-law ashes 3 weeks ago at Red Rock Mountain outside Las Vegas. His wish. Eerie to see his ashes be blown thru the wind into the desert.

jmas
11-04-2002, 08:31 PM
Wife says "Where, Where" Ha!! 8-)<br>MCS/WT/PP/Space Cloth/Rogue Stripes/Black Mesh Grilles/Rear MINI Badge
<img src="http://members.roadfly.org/jmas/Signature1.jpg">

mkacmarcik
11-04-2002, 08:49 PM
<br><img src="http://mail.roadfly.org/mkacmarcik/969.jpg">
MCS Chili Red/white with all the goodies plus roof rack

bobbiej
11-04-2002, 09:48 PM
<br>IB/IB MCS LAPIS BLUE, COLD WEATHER, SPORT PACKAGES, SUNROOF

MINIclo
11-04-2002, 10:32 PM
What a beautiful place...I\'ve driven through it before. Doesn\'t it have wild horses and wild burros? Lovely place to mingle one\'s remains with the earth. My deepest condolences to you and your wife, ED...may he rest in peace.

(Please ignore my sig line, below, where it says Cheers! Totally inappropriate to this post...so sorry.)



<br>Cheers!
Clover

'02 MC: all-Pure Silver with Chrome/Spoiler/Panther Black Profile Leather/OBC/MFSW/15" Holeys.

MINIclo
11-04-2002, 10:36 PM
Thanks, Donna. Our uncle had been pretty out of it for the past 4-5 years. Following knee-replacement surgery, he threw a blod clot and had the first of several strokes, which really incapacitated him.

PEOPLE: if you need to replace your hips or knees, do it while you\'re still relatively young....not a good idea to do it when you\'re over 80, like our uncle made the mistake of doing. Under 65 is even better!

<br>Cheers!
Clover

'02 MC: all-Pure Silver with Chrome/Spoiler/Panther Black Profile Leather/OBC/MFSW/15" Holeys.

ED
11-05-2002, 07:53 AM

ED
11-05-2002, 08:01 AM
My wife's mother and father were held in a Japanese concentration camp near there for 3 years during WWII. Behind barbed wire fences and lived mostly on the food they could grow. Have taken my father-in-law there several times to visit the place...he and his wife hated the life there but it was beautiful desert...and ironically after the suffering there he wanted his remains scattered there. He and I camped in the desert there ONE time (yeakes) 100 degrees in the day time and 38 degrees at night. Like I say ONE time...

The donkey's are abundent...gold miners would strike gold or go broke..either way they left their donkey's behind. Donkey's now live in caves all around the Vegas area and especially around Death Valley.

MINIclo
11-05-2002, 05:40 PM
I love the little donkeys! Oh, so sorry your in-laws were in the WWII concentration camps...not a proud part of our country\'s history.

I went to school with a lot of kids whose parents were in them, too. All of their assets were confiscated by the government, and those that survived had to start all over from scratch!

You know, many people in the US don\'t even know about that part of our history! It is not taught in the history classes!



<br>Cheers!
Clover

'02 MC: all-Pure Silver with Chrome/Spoiler/Panther Black Profile Leather/OBC/MFSW/15" Holeys.

ED
11-05-2002, 07:16 PM
I never realized what happened until I met my in-laws. If ever in Gila Bend, Arizona (due south of Phoeniz)there is a little memorial sign marking where most were detained. Was on an Indian reservation. They were located in the middle of the desert 50 miles from no where. 50th anniversary a few years ago and the barbed wire is still lying in the desert in some places. But mostly all that is left are little pieces of china, silverware, and desert. You are right, my father in law's family was fairly well off with several 1,000 acres of farm land near Kingsburg/Fresno area (grapes & oranges) and a produce business. After the POW camp he was in his 60's and was a gardner the rest of his life. Our fed gov gave 13 cents on the dollar for appraised value of confiscated land.

Most were not bitter though, even though most had never lived outside the USA.

MINIclo
11-07-2002, 03:08 AM
Wow...I admire people that go through tough times and aren\'t embittered! Really says a lot about their character...

<br>Cheers!
Clover

'02 MC: all-Pure Silver with Chrome/Spoiler/Panther Black Profile Leather/OBC/MFSW/15" Holeys.

Ed
11-07-2002, 09:19 PM
Did not think you would see that last one. almost off the page. continuing...so many people think they were treated unjustly and if they only knew what others have faced...and been thru. 'nough said.<br>MCS - DS/DS Prem/Sport/Black Grill - Prod Date-10/25


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